I've noticed that I force myself to sin most often. I don't know if anyone else has this problem, or if it's just a messed-up personality trait. I love getting as close to sinning as possible without sinning. My spirit likes to play with sin like the kid who gets as close to the flames without setting himself on fire.
Why do I do this? Why do I think this way? Is this because of the challenge? When it happens, it's usually curiosity/chasing a thrill. The original sin does not give me as much satisfaction so I keep going, getting deeper into sin than I wanted, chasing a superficial satisfaction. So where's the real satisfaction?
Where's the real thrill? I want adventure, but like a crazy cat lady, I stay in my room reading books and writing rants while daydreaming adventures. I realize that sin is an adventure, for a season. It brings danger, the thought of almost being caught, and a sense of adventure. No more. I don't want a "sense" of adventure. I want a real adventure. I want a challenge.
I'm not going to lie and say following God is an adventure. I don't believe that right now. However, I'm tired of the lie that applause, elegance, pornography, masturbation, well-being, dishonesty, anger, depression, etc......is some great adventure.
I'm following Christ. Come with me on the adventure. :)
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